I Gain Nothing
by Tally Solleni
Summary: Truth. Sanctuary. The reason for existence. One November day is the beginning of a long journey to find these things...[mainly a Pudding fic, with some focus on Ryou also]
1. The Fall

"I Gain Nothing"

Media: Tokyo Mew Mew

Genre: Suspense/Adventure

Summary: Truth. Sanctuary. The reason for existence. One November day is the beginning of a long journey to find these things...

Rating: K+

Descriptors: Mention/depiction of hurting someone's head to intentionally give them amnesia (this is a main plot point); some violence (no worse than anything actually in the manga).

Time: A November afternoon; sometime before A La Mode, when Ichigo is still in Japan (although, in the continuity of my TMM stories, A La Mode did not happen; let's just pretend that 'I Gain Nothing' and 'Stolen Dreams' occur instead of A La Mode, shall we?). Also, remember that this begins about two months before Rin's first appearance in Stolen Dreams.

I do not own Tokyo Mew Mew or any related characters/places. I also do not own Ayumu Kasuga. I do own the girl for whom Pudding performs, Iruka 'Ruka' Mizuiwa, Oukan Kasuga, and the various AIUS agents.

---

Chapter 1: The Fall

_"Will you dare cast off your honour, and throw away her time?_

_Guilt, disgrace, and memories can eat away the mind._

_Until there comes the day when you hear the angels call,_

_You will never quite forget the fear, the shame, **the fall**."_

_--- _

The human ability to rationalise is both incredible and pitiful.

No matter how serious the crime, the instinct is always to avoid blame and punishment- through any means necessary. Because they fear being shamed in the eyes of their peers, humans will lie about anything. Nothing is sacred to them. As long as they can _appear_ moral, they think that all is right with their world.

There is still the issue of their own feelings of guilt, however.

To appease their own consciences, most humans must take an additional step- they also lie to themselves. They will mentally rewrite history until they are 'innocent'. They will compose excuses- hundreds and hundreds of feeble excuses. The most common one of these is 'there was no choice'.

This, of course, is a blatant lie. No matter how hopeless things may seem, there is _always_ a choice to make. It may be a very unpleasant choice, but it is a choice regardless. To say otherwise is to deny the existence of free will.

Perhaps someday, I will meet a person who is honest to themselves. A person who lacks the ability to whitewash their own shortcomings. A person who will never say 'there was no choice'.

But it might be a long time until I meet that person.

And so, I wait.

As I wait, there are many things to ponder.

---

"Table 3..." Pudding yelled happily, rushing towards the eating area at full speed and spinning the plate as she went.

"P-Pudding, be careful, please!" Lettuce whimpered, narrowly dodging the monkey-girl.

"Your order..." Pudding continued, ignoring Lettuce and performing a backflip. Miraculously, the cake stayed on the tray and didn't plummet to the floor. Pudding flamboyantly slid the tray onto the red-haired customer's table.

"...Is served," Pudding finished, looking smug.

"That was amazing!" the women said, with a slight Osakan accent. She actually started clapping. "Please continue!"

"You can pay me after the show!" Pudding chirped, as she started to roll around on a beach ball. She bumped into Lettuce during part of the routine, but her spectator apparently didn't care. On the contrary, the girl seemed completely enthralled by the performance. She was on the edge of her seat, never taking her eyes off the young acrobat.

She would have paid quite well if Pudding had finished the routine.

Ichigo suddenly dashed into the room, accompanied by a wailing Masha. "Pudding, Lettuce, could you...uh...come into the kitchen for a second?" she asked, gesturing subtly at Masha. Lettuce nodded and hurried after Ichigo, but Pudding glanced back at her customer; she wondered if the interruption in the show would result in the loss of her fee, but she had no other choice. As always, Mew Mew duties came before money.

---

Incidentally, everything unpleasant that happened after that would have been avoided if Pudding's customer had done something very, very simple- using the bathroom before she came to the café. For if she had done this, she would not have suddenly had to _go_ a few minutes after Pudding's exit.

But it wasn't _entirely_ her fault. If Keiichirou had labelled the restrooms a _bit_ more clearly, everything still might have been all right. But this was not the case; the sign reading 'bathrooms' was terribly small. Thus, the hapless customer decided to ask one of the waitresses for directions to the bathroom.

If she had not needed directions to the restroom _at that particular time_, everything else would have been avoided. Although, if she _had_ used the bathroom before she had left, or if Keiichirou _had_ put up a nice big friendly sign saying 'Restrooms', it wouldn't be quite as interesting a story. Ho hum.

The customer quickly figured out that none of the waitresses were around, and assumed, quite logically, that at least one employee would be in the kitchen at any given time. And so, she poked her head into the kitchen.

"Hi, um, where's the-"

She immediately went silent as she noticed very unusual things: 1. Mew Ichigo, Mew Mint, Mew Lettuce, and Mew Zakuro were all running outside through a secret back door, and 2. the acrobatic waitress from earlier was shouting 'Mew Pudding Metamorphosis' and going through a lengthy stock-footage transformation sequence.

Incidentally, there was also a door marked "EMPLOYEE WATER CLOSET" next to the secret back door, and if the customer had used that (even though that bathroom was _technically _for employees only, it was doubtful that anyone would stop her), everything _might_ have still been all right. But there was something far more interesting going on, so she temporarily forgot about her search for a toilet. Instead, the customer rushed out the secret back door, right behind Pudding/Mew Pudding.

Ah, destiny is a harsh mistress. And a very _eccentric_ one, at that.

---

To sum up the situation, a leftover Chimera Anima had popped up somewhere in a nearby park, and Tokyo Mew Mew had been called to remove it. However, a random Osakan girl in search of a restroom had accidentally witnessed Pudding's transformation, and was now secretly following the Mew Mews in order to watch the fight.

One can only assume that this never happened to Superman.

"Ah...I think I see why the aliens didn't use this idea," Mint remarked. This particular Chimera Anima appeared to have been made from a slug, and was only capable of slowly crawling around without causing much damage. To its credit, the creature did leave a rather nasty slime trail everywhere it went, but it was far from actually being dangerous.

"Do we even need to do anything?" Ichigo asked.

"We probably ought to," Lettuce commented.

"Okay...Strawberry Bell, Ribbon Strawberry Check," Ichigo said half-heartedly. There was a flash of pink light, and the slug shrank down to normal size. The alien popped out momentarily, and was promptly recovered by Masha.

"Well, that was a complete waste of our time," Ichigo complained, stretching. "They definitely didn't need to call all of us out here."

"Um, Ichigo?" Mint said suddenly. She pointed at a small cloud of dust that was approaching them. Ichigo squinted at it; it appeared to be a group of about twenty or thirty slug Chimera Anima.

"Oh, that's great," she sighed, readying her weapon again. "One slug doesn't work, so they send in an army. Let's try and finish this up quickly, okay? Ryou doesn't pay us for the time we spend fighting." The other Mew Mews nodded, and they rushed the pathetic enemies. Cue the cut-and-dried montage battle sequence. To the Mew Mews, it seemed to be a perfectly ordinary fight.

The fight was actually relatively normal. It was what happened after it that was different.

---

"Now we can get back to being paid," Ichigo remarked brightly, as she adjusted her apron. Pudding, who hadn't un-transformed yet, tentatively opened the door to the dining room and scanned the tables carefully. Her face fell.

"What's the matter, Pudding?" Lettuce enquired. "You look sad."

"Well, before we left, there was a customer who wanted to watch my show," Pudding explained. "But she's not in there any more..."

"Maybe she went to the bathroom?" Mint suggested.

"No, Keiichirou doesn't label the bathrooms very clearly. I don't think anyone would be able to find them without help. Where could she be?"

"Uh...I'm over here," an unfamiliar voice commented. All the Mew Mews turned around to observe the customer in question. Indeed, she was standing in front of the secret back door. "That was a great fight, by the way."

"Wait...what?" Ichigo said blankly. Then it dawned on her. "You saw our transformations!"

"Y-yes, I did. I promise not to tell anyone!"

"What should we do?" Lettuce whispered. "This isn't a good situation at all..."

"PUDDING RING INFERNO!"

"Eh?" The last thing the woman saw was a flash of golden light.

---

Yellow.

Yellow like sunlight. Burning like sunlight...

Pain. Intense pain.

Blood.

Falling. Falling through nothing.

Impact. More blood, more pain.

Then blackness.

Blackness and silence.

...Silence...

---

Pudding's attack blasted the woman out the door. The rings carried their victim out the door, into the dense forest, and out of sight. There was a crash like a sound of thunder.

Pudding ended her transformation. The other Mew Mews turned towards her, stunned.

"Pudding...what did you..." Ichigo began. Tears welled up in Pudding's eyes. She threw off her apron, then rushed out the kitchen door into the dining room, bawling.

"PUDDING!" Mint shouted, to no avail. They found her tear-stained uniform on the changing room floor later.

Pudding was gone.

---

As the sunset faded, Pudding dimly wandered the streets, clutching her purse tightly. Her thoughts were a mess.

_I went too far._

_They won't ever forgive me._

_What if I killed that person?_

_Where can I go now?_

_I'm so stupid._

_I'm scared._

She sat down by a streetlamp and began crying again.

_I'm scared..._

"Are you lost, little girl?" The voice was that of a woman, soft and kind.

"Kind of..." Pudding whimpered. Her words began running together. "I did something really bad and my friends are mad at me and I don't know what to do. I think I hurt someone and they'll never forgive me, and I'm scared. I'm scared..."

"Shh, it's okay. Don't cry." The woman patted Pudding's head, and the tears diminished. "It'll all work out."

Pudding slowly stood up, trying to see through the tears. Her comforter was quite young, but her hair was as grey as the sea. In fact, she even smelled faintly of the ocean, fresh and pure and salty. She wore a long white garment that resembled a robe.

"Are you feeling any better?" asked the sea-woman.

"Yes. Thank you." Pudding wiped her eyes. "What's your name?"

"I'm...Ruka." The woman bowed slightly. "And you?"

"Pudding."

"Pudding? That's...a very tasty-sounding name."

"I used to get teased about it a lot..."

"I can imagine such."

"Ah..." Pudding's eyes finally focused properly. "That thing you're wearing, is it a lab coat?"

"Good eye! This is, indeed, a lab coat." Ruka struck a pose. "I may not look like it, but I'm actually a scientist!"

"Are you sure? You seem kind of young."

Ruka looked crestfallen. "Well, okay, I'm not really a scientist _yet_," she sighed. "I'm actually just entering college this coming spring, so I'm still in training. But doesn't this lab coat make me look _cool_?"

"...Ahem. Well, what kind of things are you going to study when you're a real scientist?"

"I'm interested in Chimera Animas."

"What?" Pudding cried. "I mean, what...are they?"

"Well, have you heard any of those news reports recently that talk about weird giant animals? That's what we call a 'Chimera Anima'. The common theory is that they're ordinary Earth animals that have somehow become hosts to parasitic aliens. Of course, information about them is limited, since there hasn't been a single successful capture of an intact Chimera Anima to date. By the time research crews get on the scene, the monsters have always mysteriously _vanished_. And that's the mystery I'm trying to solve- what happens to them. I heard there was a Chimera Anima sighting around here in the hour, so I'm investigating to see if I can find a trail."

_She seems really serious about this. Well, since she was so nice to me, it would be really nice if..._

"I think I might be able to help you," Pudding said suddenly.

"What? Really?"

"Well, I...uh..." Pudding faltered. She had gone to such lengths to protect her identity before; why had she been about to disclose it to a stranger like this?

Because there was no other path she could take.

"...Big Sister Ruka, can you keep a secret? A really, _really_ big secret? Will you promise to never, ever tell anyone else?"

"Ah, it's nice to hear someone calling me 'big sister'. My own little sis never does that anymore, thinks she's too old to-"

"Do you promise?"

"Sure, sure. It's no prob."

"To tell you the truth, I'm...Mew Pudding."

"What? Really?"

"Yes, it's really true."

"That's great. But I have no idea who Mew Pudding is."

Pudding was dumbfounded. "You've never heard of me? Ever? But they're always speculating about it in magazines and stuff!"

"I don't do a lot of reading..."

_Is it really okay for a scientist to be like this?_ "Um, well, have you heard of 'Tokyo Mew Mew'?"

"Sure."

"Mew Pudding is a member of Tokyo Mew Mew. See? Does that make sense?"

"Oh, I get it. But...that's not a very good secret identity name, is it? It's nothing but your real name with the word 'Mew' tacked to the front. You could at least try, like, switching around the syllables or something. I mean, at least 'Mew Punri' is a little bit less..._obvious_."

"Do you even have to breathe? You keep rambling on and on."

"I just have big lungs. Anyway, what does Mew Punri have to do with Chimera Animas?"

"...Please don't call me 'Punri'."

"It's already catching on! You can't stop it!"

Pudding sighed. _She seemed like a kind person at first, but..._ "Anyway, I fight Chimera Animas almost every day. I can probably help you find one if you give me a minute or two."

"All right! You've been a big help to us. Of course, you'll have to come visit our HQ first. It's awesome!"

"Your 'HQ'? Headquarters?"

"Yeah! It's got, like...beanbag chairs, and...what are some things kids your age like? Popsicles. Yup, we've got _lots_ of popsicles."

"..."

---

I wait for that person. That person who is honest. But I've been waiting for a very long time, and I'm no longer sure that person even exists.

I wonder...

Why do I continue to wait, when I'm beginning to believe that I will never see that person?

---

Next Chapter...

At that moment, both of them stepped out of the darkness and into the light. But the rain still fell. "The Light of Day"

---

A/N: At last, it's here! Yup, I have finally stopped being lazy and released the prequel to Stolen Dreams. Well, I haven't _completely_ stopped being lazy, but I at least was willing to work on this. That's worth something, right?

First off: I'm sorry! I was supposed to release this in the summer. But a lot of things came up, and then when I looked over the writing, I decided that most of it sucked. And so I delayed it for six months, typing away manically into the night. I know it's not perfect, but it's not as bad as it was, so I'm glad I didn't release it too soon.

I know I would really be ashamed if I submitted a story without making sure that it was the best it could be. If I did that, I'd be left with a profile full of garbage, no improvement to my writing skills, a poor reputation amongst my peers, and- worst of all- after a while, not even _I_ would be able to bear reading my own work. That would just be pathetic.

Looking back on some of the early chapters of Stolen Dreams, I get a sinking feeling that they weren't very good. I haven't gotten much better at writing since then, but I've gotten a _little_ better. Writing these Tokyo Mew Mew fanfics is, and continues to be, a very interesting learning experience.

I know it's hard to be patient, and so to try to make up for it, I have included a number of little extras with this story. Finally: please continue to regard me kindly, everyone, and please don't give up on me. I'll try my best to live up to all your expectations.

Now, don't leave just yet! The fun's only just beginning...

---

Please stand by.

As a special present for the good little girls and boys, a new segment will be making its debut in Tokyo Mew Mew: I Gain Nothing!  
Is everybody ready?

3...2...1...

KABOOM!

HOORAY!

Tally Solleni presents:  
Tokyo Mew Mew Little Extra Theatre 'Welcome to Café Mew Mew'!

Today's Episode: "The How and Why of 'I Gain Nothing'"

"Good day, everybody!" Pudding began, waving. She was seated in an orange plush armchair in a tastelessly-decorated room, the sort one always sees on talk shows. Ruka and Ryou sat next to her in chairs that were grey and blue, respectively. "We're implementing a few new features for 'Tokyo Mew Mew: I Gain Nothing', which is why all of you have been kept waiting for so long."

"Of course, that's a lie," Ruka piped up. "It took a long time because Tally is a lazy bum and she's been trying to work on a fantasy novel and a manga script at the same time that she's working on this."

"Oh, yeah. I forgot. Anyway, onto the new features! First and foremost, the style of chapter names in 'I Gain Nothing' is completely different from the one used in 'Stolen Dreams'."

Ryou pointed to a chart that suddenly appeared on the projector screen behind them. The room went dark, and the screen displayed the chapter titles of Stolen Dreams. "Let's compare them. The chapter titles for Stolen Dreams were things like 'The First Members- The Three with Vanished Dreams' or 'Casualties of Wishes- The Three Tears'."

"They were intended to sound like the episode titles for the actual Tokyo Mew Mew anime," Pudding explained. "But the chapter titles for I Gain Nothing have a different style, don't they?"

"Yes." Ryou pressed a button on a remote control. The screen changed to a list of 'I Gain Nothing' chapter titles. "As you can see, the chapter titles are-"

"NO!" Pudding shouted, running in front of the text. "You can't show those just yet!"

"Why not?"

"It might give away the story! Besides, those chapters haven't been released yet, so they're top secret!"

"Oh, I guess you're right." Ryou pressed another button; the text vanished, and the lights came on again. Pudding sat back down again.

"Anyway, the chapter titles for IGN are intended to be in a more sombre style," Pudding continued. "Tally was thinking of the style used by serious anime like 'Gad Guard', 'Noir', and 'Fullmetal Alchemist' when she chose them."

"Another new feature," Ruka broke in, "would be the little poems at the start of each chapter!"

"Yup! Except for the one in the final chapter, which will be a Bible verse, Tally wrote those herself," Pudding said. "They're intended to have a special meaning that's connected to the chapter, so keep your eyes out for them!"

"And let's not forget the end-of-chapter previews!"

"Yes! Those were also done in the style of more serious anime, like Noir and FMA. Tally actually wanted to add end-of-chapter previews to Stolen Dreams, but she ran out of time."

"Finally, the most important new feature in 'I Gain Nothing' is this very segment!" Ruka yelled. A brightly-painted backdrop, bearing the text 'Tokyo Mew Mew Little Extra Theatre- Welcome to Café Mew Mew', slid in behind the chairs.

"Of course! Tally was worried that due to its general theme and idea, 'I Gain Nothing' would be too depressing. And if it's too depressing, the readers would jump off buildings and our ratings would go down the tubes and our pay would get cut! We can't let that happen, so we're doing a humorous segment at the end of each chapter to lift everyone's spirits. During 'Welcome to Café Mew Mew', we'll have parodies of the serious parts and other random fun!"

"This is sounding a little familiar," Ryou remarked. "An extra segment entitled 'Welcome to' something, that makes fun of the serious show...wasn't there something like this in that old anime 'Record of something-or-another'?"

"There was," Ruka agreed.

"But let's forget about 'Record of Lodoss War' for now. Like I was saying, 'Welcome to Café Mew Mew' will have parodies and random fun!"

"Wait a minute!" Ruka cried. "I just realised that we've already spent the whole segment talking about the new features! Now there's no time for any jokes!"

"Oh, no! You're right! What are we going to do now? Everyone will get depressed without any jokes, and then we'll get less money!"

"I guess I'll have to tell a quick joke." Ryou stood up. "Why did Mint cross the road?"

"I don't know," Ruka responded.

"To get to the tea on the other side!"

The Osakan amnesiac girl suddenly ran into the room and slapped Ryou upside the head. "Nande ya nen!"

"And that's our show for today," Pudding concluded. "See you next week, everybody!"

IGNofficial abbreviation of I Gain Nothing. Not a reference to the unreliable videogame magazine.

Nande ya nen literally means something to the effect of 'why?' or 'why in the heck?' This is a trademark punchline in Osakan comedy routines; hence, why I decided to use it instead of an equivalent English phrase (and why the Osakan is the person who delivers it). I generally try to avoid using 'leet Japanese werdz!' in my stories, but in this particular instance, I felt that 'nande ya nen' had a particular feel and meaning that would be difficult to translate.


	2. The Light of Day

Author's Note: OK. I tried my best to find out the first name of Ryou's father, but since my research has so far turned up nada, I'll just be referring to him as 'Tsuta' (which means 'ivy'). If anyone happens to know his name, that'd be a big help to me. Thanks much!

---

Chapter 2: The Light of Day

_"Arise from the sea's dark depths, O Leviathan-_

_And to the shore, please guide the forsaken._

_The lost, the desperate, the ones cast away;_

_Carry them from their despair into **the light of day**."_

Pudding gazed up at the tall building as they approached. It looked perhaps a decade or so old, and was constructed of brown brick. It had no windows, and there was no name displayed prominently anywhere. However, as Pudding and Ruka came nearer to the door, Pudding noticed a tiny plaque (only a few centimetres tall) hanging on the wall. It had four little lines of text on it, and it was written in English, which Pudding could not read. The first letter of each line was larger than the other letters, and it looked very fancy and official.

"What does that say?" Pudding asked, gesturing at the mysterious plaque.

"'Association for the Investigation of Unethical Study'." Ruka read it in English first, then translated it into Japanese. "In English, that's abbreviated AIUS, which is our more common name."

"Why English, though? Is the person who started the company a foreigner?"

"She was half-American, so you could say that." Ruka slid a key card through a receiver on the door. It beeped loudly, and the door swished open. Pudding peered inside; the entryway was too dark to see much. "Welcome to AIUS Headquarters, Pudding."

"So...what are we doing here?" Pudding continued, entering the dim hall. "Didn't you say something about Chimera Animas?"

"Oh. About that..." Ruka winked mischievously. "I lied. Sorry."

"What?" Pudding cried. "Why?"

"This is why you shouldn't talk to strangers, see? Anyway, I had to bring you here for examination. This is my job."

"Examination?"

"Cor-rect." Ruka suddenly pinned Pudding against a wall, then flicked open a walkie-talkie. "Boss, this is Agent 522A. The target has been secured. Repeat, the target has been secured. Awaiting orders."

There was a pause, then a man's voice came through. "All agents to Unit 10. We've got a Code MC-4. Repeat, all agents to..."

Within minutes, people in black lab coats were filling the room. Pudding was suddenly snatched up by a tall man, handcuffed, and whisked off down a few flights of stairs. Five other men followed close behind. Finally, it dawned on Pudding what was happening.

_I'm being kidnapped!_

"L...let me go!" she cried, wriggling around madly. "LET ME GO!" Her lab-coated guards ignored this, and continued going further and further down below the building. The halls seemed to grow narrower and narrower as time went on.

At last, the group reached a single door. It looked to be a very heavy, sturdy door, constructed of some type of steel. There were numerous locks on it, as well. A small sign hanging on the door read 'RESEARCH LAB'.

---

_Ping!_

"Email! Email!" chirped Ryou's laptop (in a voice suspiciously similar to Masha's). Ryou, who had been randomly sitting around in his room angsting (as usual), checked his inbox.

**You have 1 unread message(s) in 'Inbox.'**

**Sender: irukachan42aius.jp**

**Subject: The Truth About the Mew Mew Project**

Ryou's brow furrowed. _Probably spam._ He deleted the message, and started to go back to his brooding.

"Email! Email!" chirped the computer again. Ryou, growing irritated, returned to his inbox.

**You have 1 unread message(s) in 'Inbox.'**

**Sender: irukachan42aius.jp**

**Subject: The Truth About the Mew Mew Project**

_Another one? Did Keiichirou sign me up for some silly Mew Mew Fanclub or something?_ Ryou was about to delete the new message, but before he had a chance to do so, the email opened on its own. _What the heck?_

**Sender: irukachan42aius.jp**

**Subject: The Truth About the Mew Mew Project**

**Message Body: Greetings, Mr. Shirogane. Judging from your behaviour during previous encounters, you seem to be of the idea that you know everything about the Mew Mew Project.**

**But do you really?**

**I possess a series of documents that you might find enlightening. If you want to know the truth, please reply immediately after reading this message. If you are content with living a lie, then delete this message and any others that I send in the future. It's your choice, Mr. Shirogane.**

**I love kitties!**

Ryou chuckled at the inanity of the final line (presumably, the sender had an email signature and had forgotten to disable it). _It makes the whole thing sound so stupid,_ he thought. _What does this guy think he's doing?_

Nevertheless, Ryou began composing a reply.

**Message Body: Well, well, well. I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you've watched 'The Matrix' one too many times. Next time, learn how to play the game before you start.**

**Send**

**Compose New Message**

**To: irukachan42aius.jp**

**Subject: THIS DINNER PARTY IS TOP DOLLAR!**

He typed some random gibberish about bears and squares and witches' brew for the message body, then attached a nice little virus he had written the other day.

Of course, he had NOT written the virus with the intention of crashing government computers or stealing significant amounts of money or anything like that. _Definitely_ not. Ignore any people who say otherwise, because they're just jealous and spreading vicious lies.

"Ryou, what are you doing?" Keiichirou enquired, walking in and carrying a broom. "From the expression on your face, one would think you just got away with murder."

"I'm just messing with some stupid kid," Ryou explained, typing furiously. "If he's allowed to bother me, I'm allowed to bother him."

"You're evil," Keiichirou remarked.

---

"Owwwwwww..." Pudding whimpered. The doctor finished taking the blood sample and gingerly wrapped a bandage around Pudding's arm, but it continued to hurt.

"It's, erm, it's okay," the hapless doctor attempted. "Keep your chin up, now." Comforting crying children was _not_ part of his job description.

"When are you people going to let me go?" Pudding asked.

"As soon as we're done running tests."

"How long will that take?"

"A few weeks, probably."

"But I want to go home _now_!"

"Home?" Ruka suddenly appeared in the doorway, arms folded. "In case you've forgotten, you beat the crap out of an innocent bystander 'at home'. Do you want to go and face that already?"

"..." Pudding sobered up.

"Mizuiwa, you're a lifesaver," the doctor remarked, rubbing his temples. "Although I must wonder if it's okay to say something so cold to a grade-schooler..."

"It's best not to worry about things like that." Ruka strolled nonchalantly over to Pudding. "OK, Punri, it's time for a psychological examination in Unit 23! Are you ready?"

"Uh-huh." Pudding hopped off the examination table and followed the grey-haired girl out the door, apparently having gotten used to the peculiar nickname. The doctor, meanwhile, gathered up the various samples he had taken and went off to deliver them to the lab.

"Ruka?" Pudding began after a moment of walking.

"What? You gotta go to the can or something?"

"Um, why are they running all these tests on me and stuff? What's so special about me?"

Ruka turned around, looking a little surprised. "Huh? Isn't it obvious?"

"Not really..."

"Well, see, it's like this. You can't inject a giraffe with elephant genes and get a giraffe with a trunk. Likewise, you can't inject a human with monkey genes and get a monkey-eared girl. Genetics just don't work like that. But for whatever reason, that Shirogane guy keeps saying that that's how the Mew Mews came to be. Obviously, he's lying, so that means that there's something very, very, very fishy going on with the Mew Mew Project, you see? Something suspicious going on behind the scenes. And if there's someone going around turning people into half-animal thingies and then lying about it, it's our job to investigate."

"I see. 'Investigation of Unethical Study'. So that's what this whole operation is for? Researching the Mew Mew Project?"

"Yup. That's why we brought you here- we had to get ahold of a Mew Mew, so that we could examine her genetic structure and stuff like that."

"You know, you could have just asked. You didn't have to kidnap me..."

"Aha, but knowing _you_-" Ruka poked Pudding's nose. "- you would have demanded money if we had asked."

"Speaking of which, are you going to pay me for this anyway?"

"No."

---

"Hm-hm-hm-HM-HM-HM, hmhmhmhmhmhmhm HM-HM-HM..." Ryou hummed, as he walked towards the workshop with Masha in tow. According to Ichigo, something had gotten a bit shaken around in Masha's internal workings recently, and the robot had begun producing a deafening air-horn sound every time he was within 3 metres of a pepperoni pizza. After Ichigo had refused to shut up about how annoying this was (ignoring Ryou's suggestion that she simply keep Masha away from pepperoni pizza), Ryou was now being forced to repair the robot. Some might consider it a bit of a chore, but he hadn't gotten to work on Masha in quite a while, and he had started to miss the little automaton.

"Um, Ryou?" Lettuce's sweet voice called from the dining area.

"Yes?"

"There is a very large package for you from someone named Iruka."

Ryou frowned, trying to remember if he knew anyone by that name. It definitely sounded familiar. He then recalled the email address of that prankster who had kept sending him those emails the other day.

"I do not think there is anything _alive_ in it," Lettuce continued, "but it smells very strongly like a cat, for some reason. Some of the customers are complaining. So, if you could come and figure out what it is..."

_Great, now that prankster knows my address, too?_ he thought. _Lovely_. He marched off to the door, to see what garbage he had received.

---

It wasn't garbage.

Ryou wasn't quite sure what Iruka's package _was_, but it was most certainly not garbage. He pored over the thick stack of papers in his room, his shock growing with every sentence.

The first page simply contained the title: 'Notes on the Human-Animal Synthesis Project', by Dr. Tsuta Shirogane. These were research notes on what amounted to the predecessor of the Mew Mew Project, and the pages held a plethora of information about it- some intriguing, some discomforting, and some downright horrific (the word 'vivisection' seemed to come up on almost every page). The large number of photos and diagrams did not help matters.

_What in the world was my father thinking?_ Ryou wondered, turning the page with some apprehension. The next page spoke of how a human, 'Subject 105', had almost died after receiving a blood transfusion from a heavily-radiated turtle. The page also contained a detailed diagram of the radioactive turtle's entrails, which was _not_ a pretty sight.

"Ryou, dinner!" Keiichirou called from downstairs. Ryou felt rather sick after seeing the turtle's innards, but his stomach was growling obnoxiously. He'd have to force something down. Ryou shoved the pile of papers under his bed, and left the room slowly.

_I don't know whether I want to thank Iruka or punch him._

---

"Please try to complete the obstacle course in the shortest amount of time possible," Ruka instructed, as she led Pudding into the yard. "I'll wait for you at the end, to give you the next assignment."

"OK." Pudding began running the course; Ruka turned and started walking back into the corridor, towards where the obstacle course ended.

However, she bumped into someone on the way.

"Hey, watch where you're..._Boss_?" Ruka hurriedly bowed. "Wow, this is unexpected...W-what are you doing out here, instead of in your office?"

"Well, as I sat at my desk and did paperwork, I suddenly had a vision. A seraph suddenly appeared before me, bathed in golden light, and told me to buy and eat a snow cone from a vendor on the other side of town. Of course I have to follow its order. Who knows what might happen otherwise?"

"In short, you're playing hooky." Ruka sighed. "Honestly, how _do_ you manage to run this organisation if you're so irresponsible?"

"Ah, the donkey calls the pig 'long ears', it would seem. Who was it, I ask, who was fired from her previous part-time job for continuously dancing to techno music while driving?"

"I told you not to mention that." Ruka folded her arms. "And who was it, then, who stayed up really late every night last month because the network was rerunning 'Choudenji Robo Combattler V'?"

"Well, _that_ was you."

"Oh yeah. I forgot. My bad."

"Even so, _I_ also stayed up to watch it, as it happens."

"Man, you've gotta love that show. 'Choudenji yo-yo', indeed. It was awesome."

"Yes, that was a real golden age for anime. Mindless explosions, gratuitous fanservice, crazy disco music, and not a melodramatic transvesite vampire in sight!"

"What more could you want?" Ruka nodded. "I'm definitely getting that GaoGaiGar boxset when it comes out, no matter how expensive it is. Now that's a _real_ mecha anime! It's totally getting back to basics. And it's got a really great opening song, too."

"It doesn't hold a candle to the Combattler V theme, though."

"Oh, that's so true! That was the best song _ever_!"

To the horror of everyone who was just going about their business, Ruka and the boss proceeded to actually start to sing the Combattler V opening. Sometime around the time when they reached the second "warera no", Ruka remembered that she was supposed to be waiting for Pudding at the end of the obstacle course.

"Ah! Sorry, I've got to get going," she informed the boss. "See you later! 'VVV Victory', and all that!"

"Goodbye, Iruka!" he called after her.

"We have a mecha-otaku for a boss," one of the passing scientists commented to himself, in disbelief. "_Please_ just kill me now."

---

A/N: Yes, Choudenji Robo Combattler V ('Super Electromagnetic Robot Combattler V') is a _real_ anime, believe it or not. It actually was one of the first anime to focus on the _people_ piloting the robot (rather than upon the robot itself), so it might be considered a classic. It is so old that it actually was broadcasted in mono. That's right, it was before they invented stereo sound! And yes, it really does have a themesong that mentions a super electromagnetic yo-yo, because one of Combattler V's weapons is..._a super electromagnetic yo-yo_. I pretty much died laughing when I learned that.

And by the way, GaoGaiGar is also a real anime (albeit a considerably more recent one than Combattler V). And its opening theme 'Yuusha-Oh Tanjou' really is awesome, at least in my (very odd) opinion.

Speaking of awesome, Gainax's opening animation for the Daicon IV convention is possibly the _awesomest thing in the history of awesomeness_. It features a bunnygirl flying around on a magic sword and battling Darth Vader, Godzilla, and a number of other pop icons, all set to Electric Light Orchestra's 'Twilight'. It is pretty much impossible to get more awesome than that, unless magic fireballs, super electromagnetic yo-yos, laser Sphinxes, and Chuck Norris are involved.

---

Next Chapter...

They can close their eyes. They can pretend. They can fake a smile. But once they've learned the truth, they can never quite go back to the way things were before. "The Ones Who Cannot Return"

---

Is everybody ready?

3...2...1...

KABOOM!

HOORAY!

Tally Solleni presents:  
Tokyo Mew Mew Little Extra Theatre 'Welcome to Café Mew Mew'!

Today's Episode: "Leave It to Iruka"

"Good day, everybody!" Iruka began. She was sitting in a grey plush armchair; this time, Pudding and Ryou were nowhere to be seen, as were their chairs. "Because Ryou and Pudding are currently bound and gagged in broom closets (courtesy of me), today's episode is a Ruka special, hosted by the one and only me! We'll be exploring my mission and my past, so make sure to watch carefully!"

She pressed a button on the remote control. "Here we go!"

Nothing happened.

"Huh? Was that the wrong button?" Iruka fiddled around with the remote control. "Uh, let's see...oh, okay!" She pressed a different button. The screen lit up and the room lights darkened. "Here we go!"

**-'Iruka's Mission, Part 1'-**

"La, la, la la la! Filing, filing, 'cause the boss says so!" Iruka cheerily stuffed papers into a file cabinet. "I don't really know what any of these papers are, for I am a lowly secretary, and it's really probably a bad idea to entrust them to me and me alone!" She proceeded to 'accidentally' rip a paper stamped 'VITALLY IMPORTANT'. "Uh-oh!"

"Mizuiwa, there are strategies for being promoted besides acting as if you fail miserably at your current job," the boss's secretary remarked, walking up to Iruka's desk. "As far as strategies for being fired, though, that one really can't be beat."

"Thank ye, ma'am!"

"Oh, and the boss wants to see you in his office."

"All right! Am I getting promoted?" Iruka asked, knocking some coffee over another document.

"I...somehow doubt it."

**-'Iruka's Mission, Part 2'-**

"Mizuiwa Iruka, I am giving you an incredibly important mission," the boss began.

"Buying takoyaki for your lunch?"

"Erm, no. It's not quite as important as that." The boss handed her a picture of Pudding. "We have reason to believe that this child is really Mew Pudding. Find her and convince her to come here so that we can examine her. Do not let her know your purpose for bringing her here, and do not let on that you know she is a Mew Mew. Just act as if you don't know anything about it, all right?"

"Ro-ger!" Iruka tried to salute and poked herself in the eye. "Ow!"

_For some reason, I get a feeling that she won't have to _pretend_ that she knows nothing_, the boss thought.

**-End of 'Iruka's Mission' segment-**

"All right! After seeing a whole episode about me, I'm sure the hit counter for this story will skyrocket!" Iruka laughed.

"Um, Miss Iruka?" one of the cameramen said nervously. "The numbers are in, and readership isn't skyrocketing. It's more like it's sky_diving_. I think no one likes you."

"What?" Iruka yelled, looking horror-stricken. "You mean I'm not everyone's favourite character?"

"No. No, you're not."

"...Uwaaaaa-aaa-aaa!" Iruka suddenly dropped to her knees and began rocking back and forth, sobbing. "But, but, I HAVE to be adored! I HAVE to be a star! **_Mommy, why won't you hold me?_**"

"Uh...that's our show for today, folks," the cameraman said hesitatingly. "See you next-"

"Not so fast!" Pudding shouted, hopping on-screen. Her arms and legs were tied together with jumpropes, but her mouth was free. "Now that I'm free, we can have a proper segment with actual parodies, instead of Iruka's random weirdness! OK, Iruka, quit the theatrics and get out of here. It's time for the real show."

"I _hate_ you!" Iruka sobbed, as a pair of guards escorted her to the exit. "I hate you _both_!"

"Shouldn't you let Mr. Ryou out, too?" asked the hapless cameraman.

"He can fend for himself. Now, onto the parodies, for real!"

-**The Corrupt World**-

"What does that say?" Pudding asked, gesturing at the mysterious plaque.

"ACROSS," Ruka explained simply. They hopped down into the sewer and landed in front of a throne. A man with silver hair, yellow eyes, and a ridiculous outfit sat on said throne.

Ruka saluted smartly. "Hail, Il Pallazzo!"

-**Serial Experiments Ryou**-

Ryou was about to delete the new message, but before he had a chance to do so, the email opened on its own. _What the heck?_

**Sender: Chisa Yomoda**

**Subject: No subject**

**Message Body: Why you should do that is something you should figure out for yourself.**

**I don't need to stay in a place like this.**

**If you stay in a place like this, you might not be able to connect.**

**What's it like when you die? It _really_ hurts :)**

". . ."

---

"And that's _really_ the end of our show," Pudding said cheerily, ignoring the fact that Iruka was sneaking up behind her with an axe. "See you next week, everybody!"


	3. The Ones Who Cannot Return

Chapter 3: The Ones Who Cannot Return

_"How goes the path of the ones who seek the truth?_

_It is long and winding, and the end remains aloof._

_But when the path is walked and the truth is learned,_

_The seekers become **the ones who cannot return**."_

"OK, it's like this," Ruka began, turning on the computer. "There was once a man named Tsuta Shirogane. He was a scientist- a great one, I might add. There were three or four countries clamouring for his favour, and he was receiving all kinds of grants. Tsuta was the one who began the Mew Mew Project." Ruka looked briefly through a list of documents, finally selecting one labelled 'kai-chou.jpg'. "Then, around...five or six years ago, Tsuta was suddenly and suspiciously killed when his laboratory caught on fire. The fire also killed his wife, so their young son became an orphan. And all the research notes he had compiled were destroyed as well."

"Their son was Ryou, right?" Pudding asked.

"Right. Fortunately, Ryou was a child genius. At the age of eleven, he was able to build upon his own father's research simply because he had committed most of the notes to memory. As it happens, we at AIUS already had Shirogane under surveillance, even before the fire. We had a single operative keeping an eye on him, but it was strictly for observation- we didn't take any action until later. Our operative had been slipping us bits of the research notes whenever he got the chance, so we probably have the most complete written collection of them in the world. And the things we've found in them are...well...see for yourself." Ruka brought up the image file on the computer screen- it was a photo of what appeared to be a human (or at least vaguely humanoid) baby with four legs, slitted eyes, a lizard tail, and fur. "This is your predecessor, Punri- the 'Chimera Baby'. This was the very beginning of the Mew Mew Project, and it also happened to be a crime against humanity."

"Ugh!" Pudding backed away from the desk.

"Exactly." Ruka, thankfully enough, did not show her any more pictures.

"Why didn't...why didn't Ryou ever mention this, if he had memorised the notes...? Was he trying to hide it from us?" Pudding wondered.

"Well, apparently, Tsuta made a point of keeping these particular experiments a secret from his son. Maybe out of shame, maybe to avoid corrupting an innocent child, who knows? Our operative had a hard time getting ahold of them, anyway, so they were really well-protected."

"Your 'operative'?"

---

"Ichigo?"

Ichigo stopped sweeping the floor and turned around. "Hi, Keiichirou," she muttered gloomily.

"Is something wrong?" Keiichirou enquired. "You don't seem as cheerful as usual..."

"I'm fine. I'm just a little worried about Pudding, I guess." Ichigo looked up at the ceiling. "I wonder where she is right now? I hope she's okay..."

"I'm sure that Pudding can take care of herself. She's...strong." Keiichirou put his hand on her shoulder. "And I'm certain that she'll come back to us soon. So don't worry."

"Yeah, you're right." Ichigo's cheerful smile returned. "Thanks, Keiichirou!"

"It's no problem. I just wanted to make sure that you were happy again." Keiichirou walked back into the kitchen. Ryou was waiting within, his arms folded. There was a dead serious expression on his face.

"Keiichirou," Ryou began. "I have a question..."

"Go ahead," Keiichirou responded pleasantly. Ryou seemed to hesitate, then turned away and went back upstairs without speaking any further.

"Eh? Ryou, is something the matter?" Keiichirou called after him.

"...No. Everything's perfect."

"Hmm." Keiichirou scratched his head thoughtfully. _I guess Ryou is at that age when he wants to be left alone. But it seemed like..._

"Keiichirou, I am leaving for the day," Mint announced, appearing behind him.

"Oh, all right." Keiichirou paused. "Mint, does it seem to you that Ryou been behaving differently lately?"

"Well, yes, I suppose so. It seems as if he has been going out of his way to avoid me, if that is what you mean. He has been keeping his distance from the others, also."

"Avoiding?"

"If I say good morning, he simply walks off without responding. If we start to pass one another in a corridor, he crab-walks against the wall to keep away from me. He never stays near me or any of the other Mew Mews for very long."

Keiichirou frowned. "For some reason, during the past few days, Ryou always seems to have an odd expression on his face, and he never has proper conversations with me. He's lost quite a bit of weight, too. It seems like he hasn't had much of an appetite."

"Perhaps he is sick?" Mint wondered.

"Maybe so. But I don't think that's quite it. Just a minute ago, he started to speak to me, saying he had a question to ask me. Just from the way he went about it, it was something he considered to be of utmost importance. But then he suddenly seemed to change his mind, and he ran back up to his room. There's something on his mind."

"It does seem like he has been spending quite a bit of time locked up in that room, hasn't he? Much more so than usual..."

"!" Keiichirou seemed to have received a flash of inspiration. "I see! That must be the answer."

"Hm? What?"

Keiichirou clapped his hands on Mint's shoulders (obviously surprising her). "Mint. No matter what Ryou- or anyone else- tells you, please keep this in mind. With your abilities, you and the other Mew Mews have saved this planet. This has not come without costs, but in the end, you are trying to use your powers for good purposes. Someday, what has been lost can be recovered. Remember that."

"...Please remove your hands from my person, Keiichirou."

"Oh. Sorry." He released her. "If Pudding returns, please tell her what I have just told you."

"I shall." Mint blinked. "Hm? Not _when_?"

"Pardon?"

"Just now, you said '_if_ Pudding returns', rather than '_when_ Pudding returns'."

"Oh, did I?"

---

"So, y'see," Ruka continued, as she and Pudding strolled down the corridor for more tests, "Tsuta was a little...well...paranoid."

"Paranoid?"

"Yep. After he found an artifact from the time of the aliens, he went kinda nuts. He was obsessed with completing the Mew Mew Project before the aliens came back. He was so obsessed, unfortunately, that he started taking steps that might have been considered 'desperate'. He told the volunteers that they were the test subjects for a 'potential cure for diabetes' or some load of crap like that, so they wouldn't be suspicious, but...well, then they ended up with Chimera Babies and such."

"Why didn't the government investigate, if things like that were happening?"

Ruka frowned. "That's another thing we'd like to know."

"Your 'operative' wasn't able to learn that?"

"Nope. If he had gone digging around too much, Tsuta would have gotten suspicious. The only stuff he sent us was the stuff he could get inconspicuously. He could 'back up the research notes' without it seeming odd, but there wasn't much else he could do at the time."

Pudding paused a moment. "What kind of person was he?"

"Tsuta? He was brilliant, but completely bonkers. Most scientists are."

"I _meant_ the operative. You seem to know him really well."

"Oh. Well, at the time when he was working with Tsuta, I hadn't joined. But I got to know him after I signed up. He was a pretty nice guy. Still is, as far as I know. We haven't had a chance to talk recently."

"Were you were in love with him?"

Ruka's head whipped around in shock. "Just how did you reach _that_ conclusion, eh?"

"Hey, you're not denying it," Pudding chuckled, actually cracking a smile for the first time in a while. "Maybe I should loan you a 'Fon Family Love Pill'..."

"T-that's uncalled for." Ruka rubbed her temples, as if she had a headache. "You sure are a precocious one, aren't you..."

"How come it didn't work out? Were you too bashful to even tell him?"

"Why are you assuming that it didn't work out?" Ruka demanded, glaring. "I _was_ able to tell him, but I got rejected, that's all. He was a few years older, so..."

"Too bad. There, there." Pudding patted Ruka's shoulder. "You're still young. There'll be other guys."

"Having a _kid_ tell me such a thing just makes me feel _more_ pitiful, you know."

---

Ryou slid the box of documents under his bed once more.

Another enlightening reading session. This time, he had found out about Tsuta's process for choosing animals to use in the research. Granted, it had only been one of the very early programmes, but there were shades of the modern Mew Mew Project in it. At first, only reptiles had been used, due to their regenerative properties. That had been before they had even hit upon the idea of using endangered animals.

Ryou chuckled inwardly at the thought of how Ichigo might have reacted if she had received lizard DNA instead of iriomote cat. Ichigo the lizard girl! She probably would have killed him, he mused.

Killed.

Ryou's smile vanished.

_The Mew Mews saved the world_, he thought. _But at what cost...?_

"Ryou, the girls are gone for the day," Keiichirou suddenly called, coming up the stairs and into Ryou's room. "What was it that you wanted to ask me earlier?"

"I'd just been doing some thinking lately," Ryou returned.

"About equivalent exchange?"

"About _what?_"

"Oh, so sorry. I guess you didn't watch that show. Too bad. It was a really good one. Of course, I really though the original manga was better..."

"What are you talking about?"

"Equivalent exchange. 'For something to be obtained, something of equal value must be lost'. 'You can't get something for nothing'. 'Quid pro quo'. That's the general idea, anyway."

"Equal value." Ryou chewed on this. _If I were to add everything up, would it really come out even?_

_...Or were the sacrifices too great?_

---

"OK, Punri, it's time for lights-out. Sleep well." Ruka entered the room that was serving as a makeshift bedchamber for Pudding; the monkey-girl turned over in her cot, so that she was facing the door.

"Ruka?"

"Hm?"

"You really aren't that bad of a person."

Ruka looked offended. "'Really not that bad'? You make it sound as if I seem like some unsavoury character."

"Even after seeing all the things you have, and knowing all the things you do, you're still able to nice to me. And you're still able to smile. You've seen everything, but you're still able to smile. That takes a lot of courage." _A lot more courage than what I have_.

Ruka obligingly smiled. "You make it sound like I'm so noble." _Courage. As if it's that simple. Without a doubt, the one with the most courage is her._

_I will watch over her. For as long as I can._

---

Keiichirou exited Ryou's room, shut the door behind him, and gazed up at the ceiling.

"I guess there's...no going back."

---

A/N: OK, just in case anyone hasn't figured it out yet: Ruka and Iruka are indeed the same person. Ruka is her nickname, and since the boss told her not to disclose her real identity to Pudding, Iruka always goes by Ruka when Pudding is nearby. Because of this, even in non-dialogue segments, I refer to her as Ruka in scenes from Pudding's point of view. However, if she appears in the sequel, she'll generally be called Iruka.

And by the way, for those who read Stolen Dreams: if you'll recall, Iruka mentions having a younger sister in the first chapter, although she doesn't mention any names. And the name "Iruka" might sound familiar if you read "Stolen Dreams" (my first Tokyo Mew Mew series). This is because...Iruka is Nori's older sister. They certainly have different personalities, but they are related. I like to throw in random things like that, just to see if anyone happens to notice.

As for the identity of the operative (and, thus, Iruka's crush)...well, that's a secret. I think I probably gave enough hints as to his identity, but we'll see...

---

Next Chapter...

She gave up her own memories. I gave up my peace of mind. He gave up any hope of happiness. We all made sacrifices. But will we ever be recompensed? "Somebody to Love"

---

Is everybody ready?

3...2...1...

KABOOM!

HOORAY!

Tally Solleni presents:  
Tokyo Mew Mew Little Extra Theatre 'Welcome to Café Mew Mew'!

Today's Episode: "Ryou's Topic Is..."

"Hello, everyone," Ryou began. He was seated in a blue armchair. An extremely depressed and upset Iruka sat next to him in Pudding's usual orange armchair; Pudding herself was missing. "I get to be the main host of today's episode. Loople-doo for me."

"Ryou is just a big jerk," Iruka mumbled. "Yup, everyone loves him sooooo much. The ratings don't skydive when _he_ gets _his_ own episode, the lucky son of a-"

"Iruka, get out of my chair! You're not supposed to be in today's episode!" Pudding yelled, running into the room.

"What? You mean I'm so unpopular that I can't even _appear_ today?"

"Yup!"

Iruka ran away in tears, all the while whimpering "I am not your doll- _I am not your doll!_"

"That girl has some serious issues," Ryou commented. "Wasn't I supposed to be the main character today?"

"That's it exactly, Ryou. Go with enthusiasm!"

"Ahem." Ryou pressed a button on his remote control; the image of 'Chimera Baby' appeared on the screen. "First off, a random announcement. The Chimera Baby is experiencing sudden popularity as thousands of bored people in America spam imageboards with it for no reason. 20 percent of American schools have banned any apparel that bears the Chimera Baby image, which has only added to its popularity."

(Please note that the previous statement was a complete lie. The Chimera does not exist in real life. Honest.)

"In short, Chimera Baby is more popular than Iruka!" Pudding chirped.

"You are _evil_, you know that?" Iruka said from offscreen. "_Pure evil_."

"And now, onto the parodies," Ryou continued, unfazed.

**-The Smile That Freezes Flame-**

"You've seen everything, but you're still able to smile. That takes a lot of courage."

Ruka smiled in an _extremely_ evil, scary fashion.

"Um, so...you can stop doing that now. Please."

-**The Melancholy of Mint Aizawa**-

"You think that this is a joke?" Keiichirou studied Ryou quizzically, then looked at the knife he himself was clutching. "Hmm. You don't want to die? You don't want to be killed? I don't really understand the concept of 'death' of organic life forms."

"I don't get it! It's not funny!" Ryou backed away, against the wall. "Just put that dangerous thing down!"

Keiichirou smiled. "That's impossible. Because I truly want you to die." He lunged at Ryou, trying to stab him with the knife. Ryou only barely dodged.

"It's no use trying to escape. This space is now under my data jurisdiction. No one can leave or enter." Keiichirou smiled again. "Say, just give up. The result will be the same in the end."  
"Who _are_ you?" Ryou demanded, walking along the wall and not taking his eyes off Keiichirou. Keiichirou did not answer. The room suddenly became a mass of swirling light and colour. Ryou looked around in confusion.

"Right now, everything in this room moves according to my will," Keiichirou informed him.

_What is this?_ Ryou wondered. _Kill me and see how Mint Aizawa responds? Mint again? You sure are popular, Mint._

"I should have done this to start with." Keiichirou said an extremely quick incantation. Ryou's body was suddenly frozen solid.

"If you die, Aizawa is certain to take some sort of action. I'll probably be able to observe a considerable explosion of data. A golden opportunity." Keiichirou advanced on the frozen Ryou, then raised the knife. "Now die."

He brought down the knife.

There was a brilliant light.

Pie appeared from nowhere, stopping the knife effortlessly. He glared at Keiichirou with his usual cold eyes, and then spoke.

"You are supposed to be my backup."

-**Crime Against Humanity**-

"And the things we've found in them are not pretty." Ruka brought up something on the computer screen- although it was not immediately clear what the item was.

"Eggs! Get your eggs, here!" sang a childish voice, as bizarre cartoon images of eggs scrolled by on the screen and juvenile music played in the background. "Fresh and white, eggs are HERE!"

"...What the heck is this?" Pudding asked.

"A crime against humanity," Iruka responded.

-**There he is!**-

Keiichirou put his money into the vending machine. It accepted the amount, and began humming as it made his cup of fish tea.

Yes, fish tea. Don't ask why.

_Splash_

Keiichirou turned around. Iruka was standing next to the other vending machine, gazing at him and blushing. She had dropped her cup of carrot juice on the ground, which was what had produced the splashing sound.

Electric guitar music started playing from nowhere:

_DUM DUM DUM dum dum dadadadada_

_DUM DUM DUM dum dum dadadadada_

_DUM DUM DUM dadadada dadadada dadada..._

_DA DUM DA DUM DUM DUM_

-**Even Though It's a Game, the Slap Still Hurts...**-

"Were you were in love with him?"

Ruka shook her head. "No. The one I love is someone I met online."

"What? You don't seem like the type to go on dating sites..."

"Well, it wasn't a dating site. It was actually an online game. This guy...his character is the 'shrimpy magic user' type, but he's still really cool."

"Is that so...?" Pudding was dubious.

"Hmmm...the thing is, lately, he's been saying a lot of weird stuff. Like, that his mom is a talking cat, or he has a magic cardigan that protects him from things, or that he's not sitting in front of a computer to play the game. He also complains all the time that he can't log out for some reason. And there are lots of people trying to chase him around the game world, saying that he's a criminal. The whole thing's really messy."

"Maybe you shouldn't go after the guy, if he's in that kind of situation," Pudding suggested.

"You may be right..."

---

"And that's the end of our show," Ryou announced. "See you next week, everyone!"


	4. Somebody to Love

Error report! In the previous chapter's opening scene, "kai-chou" should have been "kai-bou". ('Kai' being an abbreviation of 'kaimera'- as in chimera, and 'bou' meaning 'baby'.) Sorry, I was really sleepy when I wrote that part, so it must have slipped past me.

Copyright notice: this chapter includes a brief quotation from the New International Version (or 'NIV') of the Bible. According to the copyright information of same, it is permissible to use small amounts of text in a non-profit fashion. Please do not automatically report me for copyright violations upon seeing this; as previously stated, it is perfectly legal.

Chapter 4: Somebody to Love

_"If I speak in the tongues of men and angels,_

_But have not love,_

_I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal._

_If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and have a faith that can move mountains,_

_But have not love,_

_I am nothing._

_If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,_

_But have not love,_

_I gain nothing."- 1 Corinthians 13:1-3 (NIV)_

---

Why do I wait for that person, when I know that I might not find them?

I think I know.

---

"Your tests are finished."

Pudding looked up at Ruka as they exited the room. "What?"

"We're done. We've taken all the samples we need. You can go home now, Punri."

"...I can't go home."

"Oh, are you still thinking about all that?" Ruka patted Pudding's shoulder. "Sorry about that. Back then, I had to make sure that you wouldn't run away, so I just said some random stuff about how you wouldn't be welcome. I didn't mean it. I'm sure everything will work out fine. Your friends will probably forgive you. And aren't you worried about your family?"

Pudding's brow furrowed. "Of course I'm worried about my siblings, but I can't be _sure_ that I'll be welcome back at Café Mew Mew. They might _not_ forgive me."

"Hmm..." Ruka pondered a moment. "Well, I won't lie to you. There's a chance that you're right. And you will have to take responsibility for what you've done. But if your friends are really friends, I don't think they'll hold it against you for _very_ long."

"..."

"Aw, come on, don't make that face." Ruka bopped Pudding on the head lightly. "Cheer up, why don't you? It's no good when you're depressed."

"But..."

"Mizuiwa!" A short, meek-looking, undoubtedly low-ranking employee suddenly popped around the corner. He was holding a small piece of paper. "Message from the-"

"Hullo thar, Yama-rin," Ruka interrupted. "Hey, is your girlyfriend doing well? Oops, I forgot, you've never had one and probably never will. What about your dog? Oh yeah, it died. How big was your paycheck this year? Oh, that's right, it barely even exists."

"Mizuiwa, is it even _possible_ for you to say something nice to me?" the man groaned.

"Well, you've got a nice toupee. It almost had me fooled."

"...I'm not wearing a toupee. I'm only _24_. I'm not even turning grey yet."

"Oh. If that's the case, your hair looks super fake. You should complain to your barber."

"Um...didn't you say something about a message, Mr. Yama...rin?" Pudding asked. Yama-rin flinched.

"My _name_ is Takeshi Yamada," he snapped (see cultural note). "Yama-rin is just Mizuiwa's ridiculous nickname for me."

"Ha!" Ruka poked his forehead. "Too bad, Yama-rin. I'm more important than you, so I can call you whatever I want!"

"You're only a secretary- how you got such an important mission as securing a Mew Mew is anyone's guess."

"I may only be a secretary, but you're an intern _and_ a country bumpkin."

"Mr. Yamada, the message..." Pudding attempted again.

"Hmph. If it had been addressed to anyone other than _her_, I'd have already delivered it." Yamada handed Ruka the note, then hastily retreated. "And I'm _not_ a country bumpkin, just for the record!"

"Fuu." Ruka started reading the message.

"It's great that you and Mr. Yamada are such good friends," Pudding commented.

"Yeah. It's kind of like having a family member you really don't get along with, I guess. Even though we fight all the time, we're still close." Ruka folded the note and tossed it in the recycling bin.

"Hey, that's not the bin for burnable trash," Pudding informed her.

"Come on, Pudding. The boss wants to speak to you in his office, pronto. No word on why." Ruka led her off, leaving the note in the wrong can for all eternity.

(Cultural note: "Takeshi Yamada" is an _extremely_ common-sounding, countryish name, hence Ruka's comment that Yama-rin is a country bumpkin.)

---

Ryou stared out the window. It had been a long time since he had been outside, he suddenly realised. An incredibly long time.

How long had it been?  
He could no longer remember.

He couldn't even remember when he had last left his room, much less when he had left the building. He had been focused on the research notes for so long, everything else blurred together.

Had he even slept last night?

That, too, was a mystery.

But this was something he had to do, even if it meant seeing only the piece of sky that could be viewed from his small window.

_Maybe this time, there won't have to be any sacrifices_, he thought.

---

The man had brown eyes behind his glasses, and his black hair showed clear signs of thinning. There was a small, black, teardrop-shaped emblem embroidered on the left breast pocket of his suit, and a narrow sign on his desk reading 'Chief Executive Officer'. 'Oukan Kasuga'- presumably, the man's name- was written in smaller text below this heading.

Not taking his eyes off the documents in his hand, Oukan silently motioned towards a swivel chair placed in front of his desk. Pudding timidly sat down in this chair, then fidgeted for a minute or two.

At last, Pudding spoke up. "I'm sorry."

He did not look at her, but continued to peruse the papers. "Why are you sorry?" he asked.

"I've caused a lot of problems." Pudding struggled for a moment. "Not just for that girl. For a lot of people. Because the Mew Mew Project ruined so many lives..."

"But you weren't there. You weren't the one who forced them into the experiments. Why do you regret something that happened before you were born?"

"For a long time, now, I've been going about my business without even thinking about those people." Pudding touched the discoloured spot on her forehead, the place where the injection of the tamarin DNA had left its mark. "Even if I wasn't there in person, the power inside me is a result of those experiments. It was gained because of what they gave up. So in some way, a part of me _was_ there. In some way, a part of me is responsible."

"What do you think you have accomplished?"

She looked up.

"I have a policy of judging people by what they have done on their own. Not what they have been ordered to do, not what random chance has granted them, not what they have been able to do because of situations arranged by others. So, think very hard. When you take away the abilities that you gained by becoming a Mew Mew, what have you done? Have you done anything that you can be proud of?"

"I..." Pudding paused. Nothing came to mind, really. "There isn't really anything."

"There really isn't anything? Not a single thing?"

"No."

"Then what have you accomplished _with_ your Mew Mew abilities?"

"Well...I helped save the world."

"What, exactly, did you do? In what way did you help?"

"I...um..." Pudding was silent for a long time. Thinking back on it now, during the entire fight against the aliens, she had only done one or two things. A handful of small victories. And during the final battle, she had been almost completely useless. "There were things I accomplished, but there's nothing that I can be proud of."

_How the mighty have fallen._

"Why do you think that happened? How did you end up with such actions?"

"I don't really know. There were a lot of reasons."

"I think I know the reason. Tell me: why did you agree to become a Mew Mew and battle the aliens to begin with? Why do you fight?"

_Why do I fight?_

"I never really thought about it."

_There are plenty of noble-sounding stock answers. "To protect this world." "To protect the ones I love." "To become stronger."_

_Was I really protecting anything?_

"I never..."

_No..._

"...really thought about it..."

_There wasn't anything I was fighting for._

"I..."

_Is that why I feel guilty?_

"...didn't..."

_Is that why I felt like..._

"...have a reason..."

_...I had to apologise?_

_Did they sacrifice themselves for no reason?_

"If you don't understand _why_ you're fighting," Oukan commented, "you can't feel like you've done anything worthwhile by fighting."

"Then...what about you?"

"Hm?"

"Why do _you_ fight?"

"Ah, there's a nice question. For some reason, when it comes to things and actions that are treasured...it seems as if the more mundane the thing is, the more noble the person sounds. If I just answered 'to protect world peace', that would be sort of silly-sounding and cliché, wouldn't it? But if I answer 'so that I can continue to care for my vegetable garden', that sounds much more honourable. I wonder why that occurs."

"Are you avoiding my question?"

"In my case, my answer isn't anything as grand as world peace, nor is it as noble as a vegetable garden, nor is it as common as love. But it is something I consider valuable. For that matter, some might say that whatever I claim to be fighting _for_, the result is the same. But I don't believe that." Oukan turned and pointed towards a large, blurry painting hanging on the wall. "What is that, to you?"

It was, upon closer inspection, a painting of the seashore, with a brilliantly blue sky overhead. The edge of the ocean seemed to merge with the sky, and the edge of the sky merged with the sand, and the edge of the sand merged with the ocean. The lines were not very well-defined.

"It's a painting of the beach," Pudding responded, after a moment.

"What style of painting is it?"

"Ummm..." Pudding didn't know much about art. "It's...kind of fuzzy."

"It's an Impressionist painting. An original- not a copy."

"Are all Impressionist paintings that vague?"

"Vague, perhaps. They are intended to capture the _feel_ of a particular time or place, rather than all its details. The painter tried to put onto a canvas what his impression of that seashore was. I cannot sure whether or not he succeeded, but I appreciate his efforts."

"What does that have to do with your reason for fighting?"

"That _is_ why I fight. The brief emotions that created this painting might seem ordinary to most people. They might even seem forgettable. But if you forget all those random impressions, you're left with nothing. It's absolutely worth it to treasure them. You see, the day this painting was made, it was the first time the painter had been to the beach in more than a decade. He had been completely focused on his schoolwork, and then his job, for a long time- a very, very long time. And during that time, he had forgotten most of those ordinary impressions. Life was nothing but hard work to him, work that seemed pointless. He was unable to be proud of his life. As he stood there in the sea, he realised how empty his life had been without those feelings. He didn't want to forget how that felt. He never wanted to forget it again. And so, he painted this as a memento. Even now, it serves as a reminder that feelings, however small or short they might be, are something worth fighting for." Oukan smiled. "When I put this painting on my wall, I thought: 'Perhaps, for the sake of those impressions, I can do something that _I_ can be proud of.' And so, that's why I fight. But that is not necessarily the same reason that will work for you. Find the reason that makes sense to you. If you 'fight' for a reason that doesn't really make sense to you, it will be even worse than fighting for no reason at all."

"I'm not sure what my reason is. But...I know where to start." A new fire seemed to burn in Pudding's eyes. "You've run lots of tests on me. But only on me, right? You haven't managed to get close to any of the other Mew Mews."

"True."

"Then, let me help you. I'll work alongside your organisation and help convince the others to cooperate. I know there's _something_ I can do. And I might find something that I can be proud to do."

Oukan patted Pudding's head. "You are mature far beyond your years." He pressed a button on the intercom console. "Miss Iruka, please make arrangements to send Miss Fon home."

"Right away, sir!" came Ruka's voice through the speaker. Oukan nodded, then turned to Pudding again.

"I will discuss our next move with some of my assistants, and once we've arrived at a decision, we will contact you. Thank you for your assistance."

"You're welcome. But I have a question."

"A question? About what?"

"You said that the artist who made that painting wanted to remember how it felt. It reminded him that he should never forget again. So why did he sell it to you, if it meant so much to him?"

"Ah, because he didn't _sell_ it." Oukan tapped a corner of the painting, which bore the artist's signature. "The artist, who had ten miserable years of 'success' before returning to the ocean, was me."

---

_I don't think I want to apologise to them._

_"I'm sorry that you died for no reason at all. I never did anything of value. Your sacrifice was in vain."_

_Who would want to hear that?_

_Who would want to believe that they had really died for nothing?_

_I don't know if they'd be proud of me, or what I've done. So from here on, I'll do my best. Maybe I'll end up doing something I can be proud of, something they can be proud to have died for. Maybe then, I'll be able to tell them "thank you" instead of "I'm sorry"._

_And that woman..._

_If I see her again someday, I'll have to thank her, also._

---

Almost everything happened as expected.

Ichigo ran out of the café with open arms, crying out "Pudding! You're safe!" Mint briefly cracked a true smile, but quickly hid it by sipping her tea, and immediately returned to her sarcastic sneer. Lettuce and Keiichirou politely bowed, saying "Welcome back, welcome back." Zakuro's expression remained unchanged as always, although her voice seemed just a little more gentle than usual.

But it felt like a puzzle with one piece missing.

"Where's Ryou?" Pudding asked. Everyone's expressions visibly darkened.

"Ryou...has only come out of his room once in four days," Lettuce explained. "He refuses to talk to any of us but Keiichirou."

"Why?"

"That's what _we'd_ like to know," Ichigo grumbled. "But he won't answer us when we ask."

"..." Pudding slowly made her way up the stairs to Ryou's room.

"It is no good, Pudding," Lettuce called. "He will not see you."

"I don't care." Pudding sat down in front of the door, knees hugged to her chest. She didn't knock. Ryou already knew she was there.

She didn't speak for a long time, and neither did he.

"I'm trying my best," Pudding said at last. "Everyone is trying their best. So..." She trailed off. With nothing more to say, Pudding stood up and walked back downstairs.

In the darkness of his room, Ryou bowed his head.

---

I still haven't met that person...

...And I'm not sure that I ever will.

Even if that person exists, I don't know if I'll be able to find them.

But...

Even so...

I think it will be worth it to continue waiting.

Because as long as I don't give up, there's still a _chance_ that one day, I will find that person.

If it allows me to meet that person, then it's worth it.

And so, I wait.

As I wait, there are many things to ponder.

---

Is everybody ready?

3...2...1...

KABOOM!

HOORAY!

Tally Solleni presents:  
Tokyo Mew Mew Little Extra Theatre 'Welcome to Café Mew Mew'!

Today's Episode: "Goodbye, Cruel Fanfic"

"Oh, this is just too sad, everybody," Pudding said gloomily. She, Iruka, and Ryou were all sitting in their trademark armchairs. "Tally was too lazy to write more than four chapters, so the story is already over! This is the end!"

"Well, it _is_ kind of annoying," Ryou remarked. "But we'll all be appearing in the next Tokyo Mew Mew series, so the fans don't need to worry too much."

"What? There's going to be another one of these?" Iruka asked. "Why didn't anyone tell me about this? And just how many is this crazy lady going to write?"

"The next series is currently being processed under the codename 'Project Augury'," Pudding continued, ignoring Iruka. "This isn't really an indication of the finalised title, though, since 'I Gain Nothing' was known as 'Project Paragon' and 'Runaway Tamarin' in its early stages. Project Augury will feature three interlocking storylines, and of course, it will also have Welcome to Café Mew Mew segments. We won't be hosting the new skits, because we won't be the main characters in Project Augury. But it'll still be a barrel of laughs!"

"Hey, even if I'm not a _main_ character, I _will_ be making an appearance in Project Augury, won't I?" Iruka asked.

"Of course not. Anyway, after Project Augury, Tally has a few other projects that have nothing to do with Tokyo Mew Mew. But after that, she's considering a massive crossover between Tokyo Mew Mew, Azumanga Daioh, and Fruits Basket. That's still in very early planning stages, so details may change in the final story."

"And now, to the final parodies," Ryou concluded.

**-Lazy People-**

"Here, Pudding." Mint tossed a small bag at the monkey-girl.

"What's this?" Pudding asked.

"Oh, they're just some...things."

Pudding rifled through the bag. "A wallet...print club pictures...a student I.D.?" Pudding looked closely at the photos on the various items. "Hey, these belong to that girl I attacked! Why do you have them, Mint?"

"I, um, found them."

"She looted the body," Zakuro explained.

"To keep the girl from recovering her memory," Lettuce added.

"What? You just watched Mint steal that girl's stuff, and you didn't try to get help or anything? Why?"

"Well, deep down, we're all just evil people," Keiichirou said decisively.

"_What?_"

**-Thrown For A Loop-**

"Why do you fight?"

Oukan pointed to a picture hanging on the wall. It was a blown-up photo of a large brown nanny goat, standing in a field and eating dandelions.

"It's...uh..."

**-Addiction-**

"Ryou...has not spoken to any of us in four days," Lettuce explained.

"Why? Is something wrong with him?"

"Well...you see, he bought a subscription to 'World of Warcraft'..."

-**Valid Question I**-

"Hey, Pudding," Ichigo asked.

"Hm? What?"

"What exactly happened to your brothers and sisters while you were gone? Do you think they're okay?"

"You mean that none of you bothered to check on them?" Pudding cried. "What kind of cold-hearted people _are_ you?"

"Although..." Mint observed, "...it seems a little odd that you and your siblings would be allowed to live by yourselves to begin with. Why has some sort of child protective service not come after you yet?"

"Erm...let's just leave all those questions for some other day," Pudding said hurriedly.

(In actuality, Pudding's siblings were temporarily taken care of by emergency AIUS operatives. Probably.)

-**Valid Question II**-

"Ryou...has only come out of his room once in four days," Lettuce explained.

"Hold it!" Pudding cried. "If he's not coming out of his room, just how is he going to the bathroom? I demand an explanation!"

"Hey, you're right! That's totally suspicious," Ichigo muttered, narrowing her eyes.

"Well, maybe he sneaks to the bathroom, like a ninja, when none of us are around," Mint suggested. "Either that, or he's got a chamber pot."

"What do you think, Keiichirou?" Lettuce asked.

"...Let's just drop this incredibly disturbing topic, OK?" Keiichirou said briskly.

---

"That's all for this series," Iruka, Ryou, and Pudding said together. "See you later, everyone!"


End file.
